After studying abroad for a short program in Madrid the summer after my freshman year, I assumed that would be my only chance to go overseas. But when I joined the Experiential Scholars Program through the Beyond120 department, I realized there were far more opportunities to study abroad for longer periods of time. Completing a full-semester program would not only allow me to earn more points toward the Scholars Program, but it would also give me the chance to immerse myself in a new culture again, this time in a much deeper, more meaningful way.
During my time in Sydney, Australia, I lost myself and lost touch with all aspects of balance in my life. Studying abroad in Madrid 3 years prior was such a thrill, and being a summer semester, didn’t entail as much academic obligation. During the fall semester, when I was in Sydney, I was taking several challenging and difficult courses for my computer science degree back home at UF. For the majority of the semester, I allowed myself to ignore several of my academic obligations and got lost in the wonder of exploration and experiencing new people and places. I traveled to Malaysia for a week with several friends and spent our fall break in Bali, Indonesia. And while I could have done these trips while still staying on top of my academic work, while back in Sydney, I spent most of my time traveling around Australia and enjoying the city. I would play beach volleyball for several hours, several times a week. I found myself roadtripping up the eastern coast to Brisbane and taking weekend trips to locations like Melbourne. And most evenings I was out on the town with new friends trying new restaurants and bar scenes. But when did I commit to my academic duties? Rarely.
My first sign that something was off and my life was out of balance should have been the first big assignment in my neural networks course that I just barely submitted on time while traveling in Bali. I made it back to the hostel just in time to get service and submit 5 minutes before it was due. This was very unlike me. As a 4.0 student at the time, I had never received anything less than an “A” in any course, including high school and college. This meant that I turned in every assignment on time and with my best effort given. But I was lost, I was overwhelmed in the dopamine rush of experience that simple tasks like attending lecture were almost burdensome and I found myself skipping class on the majority of days whenever it wasn’t required attendance.
By the middle of the semester, after a couple long “locked-in” library sessions, I had caught myself up in two of my classes and put myself in a decent enough position to receive an “A” as long as I did well on the final assignments. But when I looked at the details of my final course, I realized things weren’t going to be so easy. There was no wiggle room to submit missed assignments, so points lost were gone forever. With only a few assignments left, I knew I was going to have to do well on them. I waited in hour-long queues to speak to TAs of the course to get my assignments graded and when it was all said and done, it was going to come down to the final exam, worth 40% of the grade. Having not been to lecture all semester, I knew I was in a really poor position to excel. At the same time, I was supposed to travel to Thailand with some friends during our week-long break prior to finals.
Hitting one of my lowest of lows, I knew that I needed to do well on this exam to even potentially pass the course. Never in my life had I been in a position where I might fail a course. Yet there I was. One week away from an exam that would determine whether my full-ride scholarship that has allowed me to attend UF as an out-of-state student for free would be renewed for the following semesters. So I locked in for a week, pushed away all distractions (travel, beach volleyball, partying, etc…) and I watched lecture after lecture. Took notes and re-read notes. I burned the wick at both ends in preparation for this exam. When I got my results back, I had passed, but my final grade in the course was a “C” . You would think that I would have been extremely upset at my first ever non- “A” grade as a senior in college and it was a “C” , but at the time I was relieved, because that “C” meant that I passed the course and kept my scholarship allowing me finish out my final two semesters of college. But was that week of studying considered “balance”?
That semester was a huge learning opportunity for me because it showed me that if I don’t plan and balance my dopamine-inducing experiences with my obligations, I would always be stuck in a see-saw of imbalance. SEE (completely relaxed and care-free) – SAW (in the library from sun up to sundown). As I reflected on my experience the following semester, I took this lesson with me and planned to stay in balance. I gave myself deadlines to stay ahead of assignments and restrictions on certain fun excursions and parties if academic obligations were not met prior. When I look back on the time that I spent, I am disappointed in myself for my clearly negligent academic behavior, especially considering I know I could have easily gotten an “A” in the course had I been acting my usual self. But beyond disappointed I was honestly proud of myself because for the first time in a while I had learned something new about myself. And through that lesson, I was forced to reassess my academic behavior moving forward.
Looking back on it now, my biggest takeaway from that whole experience is that balance isn’t something that just happens; it’s something you have to actively maintain. Sydney taught me that lesson the hard way. I got so caught up in the thrill of being somewhere new, surrounded by amazing people and endless places to explore, that I lost touch with the steady rhythm that had always kept me grounded. For a while, I felt unstoppable. I was traveling, making new friends, seeing some of the most beautiful places I’d ever been, but beneath all that, I was slowly drifting away from my responsibilities and the structure that had always made me successful.
When everything finally caught up to me, it wasn’t fun or glamorous. It was stressful, humbling, and at times pretty discouraging. But in hindsight, I needed that wake-up call. That semester forced me to face parts of myself I hadn’t really acknowledged before, like how easily I can get swept up in excitement, and how hard it can be for me to pull myself back down to earth once I’m in that mindset. It showed me that self-discipline isn’t about saying “no” to joy or adventure, it’s about knowing when to pause and check in with myself. Because when I don’t, things start to slip, whether it’s my academics, my focus, or even my own sense of direction.
That “C” I got at the end of the semester (the one that used to feel like such a failure) now feels like one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned. It reminded me that balance isn’t something you figure out once and keep forever; it’s something you constantly have to work at. Now, whether it’s school, work, or travel, I try to make sure I’m living with both intention and awareness. I let myself enjoy the experiences that light me up, but I also stay mindful of the responsibilities that keep me steady. Sydney wasn’t my proudest semester academically, but it was probably one of my most important ones for personal growth. It taught me that the real challenge isn’t just achieving success, it’s learning how to sustain it without losing yourself along the way. I truly appreciate how the Experiential Scholars Program and Beyond120 have pushed me to expand my horizons and take full advantage of opportunities I never expected to have.